by Theodore Roosevelt

Beyonce. You my girl.
You know that.
But at Club Envy last Wednesday night your hit single came on.

Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)

Nobody disputes that, Sashita.
What draws my ire: your new dance partners.

Beyonce would ideally like to clone herself for her next video.

Alas. Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams and their imperfect bodies have been replaced. For any Destiny’s Child fan it’s a hard pill to swallow.
But the message here is clear.

Got me tighter in my Dereon jeans.

If all of us had bodies like that, I'm sure we would feel the same.
But most of us have to face the fact that we aren’t, well, Beyonce.

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.

Break-ups are tough.
They take years of rebuilding.
But until you come from a place of experience, please spare us your platitudes.

In the meantime, let my girls know:
That a ring is never a solution.
And that it's always ok to slip into something more “realistic.”